Being in the world, I had always had more, more to drink, more to steal. I was always looking behind my shoulder. I do know that was an empty feeling and at times, there were even thoughts of suicide because nothing really made me happy.
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As a child, I did feel God speaking to my heart so, in 1977, my sister and I both were baptized into the church. It didn't last long. I felt restricted. I felt confined. My friends were all having fun. Here I was inside my home with nothing to do. At age 13, I had already started smoking pot, stealing when I could. I'd done well in school, but I was very rebellious, got into a lot of fights and though I was very successful at my jobs because I worked very hard, I was no better than a thief.
I continued living my life very dangerously. I couldn't walk out of the door without drinking. I couldn't step out of the door without getting high. My mother was talking to me, telling me she was praying for me and how she wanted me so much just to get back involved with the church. Deep down inside, I wanted to, but I was a walking zombie. I didn't even know myself and finally, it caught up to me. I got hurt at my job. I didn't know what to do with myself. The company soon, they had to lay me off because I was of no use to them.
I had surgery on my back and though it helped me, it didn't last for long before the doctor said, and I agree with him, I couldn't carry on. Being at home, and I had nothing to do, God started speaking to my heart more. The morning of April the 18th, everything changed in my life. I felt this presence of God all over me. I felt like I just want to scream out and cry and ask God to forgive me and to save me from myself, my wretched self and I was suicidal. I didn't have a respect for life and all over sudden, I wanted life, I wanted God in my life.
I didn't want the things of the world any longer and I made a decision right then and there. I did not take a drink that day, I did not smoke, I did not take any pills and by the time my wife came home that afternoon, I was of a mess. I was sweating, I was crying, and I was trying to tell her everything that I was going through and how God was going to save my life and how I was giving my life to God and I was sorry.
I think back now, and I remember this VHS tape that my mother had sent me from Pastor Doug Batchelor. I had watched it and I thought to myself, "I can listen to this man talk. I know I can." I knew all along where I need to go. I needed to come to where Pastor Doug was preaching because if I'm going to listen to anyone, I'm going to listen to him. I felt he was speaking the truth. I felt like he could reach me on that level. As I heard him speak, it was confirmed in my heart that this is who I need to speak with, this man can help me.
I couldn't read very well but I started reading and I started studying and I started praying. Everything that I had learned as a child, it was still right here in my heart. Here I was all alone thinking that the world would give me freedom and it led me into enslavement. Then when I gave my life to the Lord, now I have freedom, I have happiness, I have joy, I have a marriage, I have my children, I have life. I just praise God for Amazing Facts and what they do through their ministries because they helped me come back to Christ and I thank God for that.