I couldn't understand just buying any kind of drugs just to do for myself because it just made sense to invest in something else, and then I can make all the money back and have weed that I could smoke for free. I was having a lot of fun. At least at first. I was making more money than anybody that I knew. I've got pounds and pounds of weed in the closet, and I've got all this money. I've got a beautiful, fully furnished apartment, the chandelier hanging in my living room. I've got a luxury car, all leather interior, I've got the hottest girlfriend. I have every single thing that this world tells me that I need.
That's when I realized how empty I really was. Eventually, smoking weed didn't do it anymore. I started going to doing a lot of acid, LSD, ecstasy, of course, other hard drugs came into the picture. I found out that you can't run away from yourself. No matter where you go, there you are. It was very difficult to reconcile a faith in God, and then there's lifestyle that I was choosing to lead. At this point, I had made that choice to leave that lifestyle, but I couldn't reverse it. Even though I wanted to stop or at least slow down, I had no power.
I said, "God, do whatever it is You've got to do to change me". I get arrested for DUI, I've been to jail many times before, but I used to think that the reason that I went to jail is because God forsaken me, that God hated me. There I am in jail, and I'm starting to see the fact that God loves me, to know the emptiness of this world, to know that this life really stinks. There's hope and the hope that I found can only be seen or known in Christ Jesus.
My name is Justin Monterro, and I reclaim my faith.