By the time I got to high school, abuse was just a way of life for me. I just thought that, that was the way it was and that many people were going through that. I found out that a lot of the girls were not going through the abuse that I was going through. I started acting out and playing up and misbehaving in school. I felt when I spoke to mum, she was too busy worrying about where dad was, what dad was doing. When I spoke to the older siblings, they couldn't be bothered. I had stupid questions.
I seemed to feel very lonely all the time and I just forgot at that point where God was and felt that I didn't need Him because when I did need Him, He was never around for me.
I was living a very, very busy life working till two, three o'clock in the morning and then drinking alcohol till five o'clock so that I could get to sleep for a few hours, wake up and then get back to work at eight o'clock at night.
My life continued in spirals until I decided I needed to do something different. I packed my bags and spent 11 months crossing Africa from Zimbabwe all the way through to Switzerland. Met a lady in a missionary who spoke to me about God and gave me a Bible. That was when I started thinking again that, "God, maybe You led me on this trip." That was the start of me really rethinking, "What I'm I doing with my life?"
I'd made a decision that, "God this time I'm never going to let You go. I know You've never let me go, it was always me who let go. " My return to Jesus was the most amazing feeling that I'd ever experienced. I felt as if this time I'd made a connection with God.
My name is Ayloani Hill, and I reclaimed my faith.